On December 17, 2007, I began a journey into darkness that continues to this day that I hope G-d Willing will last all the days of my life. Once a week I visit all fellow Jewish patients at The Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania (HUP) along with an oncology floor, Rhoads 3 where I visit people of all faiths and non faiths. Since that life changing day, feeling depressed and sorry for myself has become rather difficult. Another “disadvantage” is my uncontrollable feeling that anyone I come in contact with could be a very special wonderful person including total strangers. It is a way of looking at people and myself that has put me in a constant state of being upbeat nearly all of the time.
There are certain times I do not feel happy and I will not even try to change that. When you get bad or sad news or challenging times, you need some time to be upset. To do otherwise will cause denial of feelings which is never healthy except in maybe cases of short term emergency when you have to ignore any feelings other than dealing with the situation. Too often in our society we see efforts to avoid sadness. How many people take anti depressant medication only to become addicted and even more unhappy that before taking the drug? The key in being depressed and upset is to climb out of that hole.
My typical hospital visit finds patients and their loved ones in a down state. In addition to the pain and suffering there is much uncertainty about the future and the excruciating condition in medicine known as waiting. What does the test say about my chances for surviving? How will my future ability to work be affected? What things in my life that I cherish will suddenly be taken away from me? Pain and suffering are challenging because in a hospital time goes dreadfully slow. One dreams of being home but is scared to because they are so sick and/or injured.
Although I may only spend a very few minutes even just a minute or two, my presence brightens the day of people who need it so badly. I have been Blessed with a sense of humor to the point I have actually done some stand up comedy for charity. I love to smile and joke with patients and their loved ones. Many times I have heard how much my visit meant to them. In Judaism visiting the sick is called Bikkur Cholim. It is a very special Mitzvah (Commandment from G-d) where are not only rewarded in the World to Come but here in this world. I do not view this as anything other than a Gift The Sustainer of Life as Blessed me with. Seeing how I can help people makes me feel such empowerment into who I am.
Another benefit is how I look at every person I see far differently. I used to go into a room and think to myself how I will ever reach these folks. Instead of seeing the light we all bring I used to see differences such as race, religion, socio economic, nationality, sexual orientation, neighborhood, etc. How could I ever relate to these folks? They will not want anything to do with me because we are different in whatever way. Early on I learned all those differences are not important when you look at the person and their loved ones as a fellow human created in the Image of the Almighty. I from a very young age always wanted to be one who judges people on what kind of person they are. Now I am living and loving it.
Recently I got on a crowded elevator in a medical building. I thought what if the elevator got stuck how would we pass the time? I now believe I could bring everyone together. I would simply ask everyone what makes you special? Each of us has within us The Divine Presence. We need to find it in ourselves and help others find it within them.
May you all be Blessed to discover what makes you and all in your life special.
